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| Well, its finally August. This time next month, I'll be in Cambridge, getting to meet the class mates of 2010. I can't believe that my summer flew by so fast. I definitely want to spend my remaining month doing te stuff I really wanted to this summer - going to the park and beach, greenfield village, and trying to save up a little cash for books. Of course, eating well since it'll be quite a strech before I can get more great homecooking.
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| Despite the lack of progress this summer, up until last night, I was able to maintain a strong sense about who I was, and how I felt about myself. I understood myself and how I worked. But then out of no where, my mom decides she wants to have a conversation with me. We basically talk about a lot of my life's shortcomings. Now certainly, I've spent time thinking about these things to myself. But when someone decides its their place to lay them all out there on the table, its a lot different. What I felt most comfortable doing was just allowing her to just keep talking until she worked herself into something - I tried my best not to get pulled into what was going on. Even though I know that she's trying to get her mind off of other things, I for life of me can't understand why I'm suddenly being brought into the spotlight. Later on, she came out of no where and told me that we just aren't close. Now, I know that I go away for school and everything but where am I - I'm right here this summer. I see her and talk to her every single day for a good portion of the time. Even when I'm away at school, I talk to her every single day - sometimes more than once. I'm beginning to wonder if all of this has just been me going through the motions. To be completely honest, I do look forward to the parts of the day when my mom's at work. Of course there are still the occassional phone calls or emails, but its just so nice to be in the house without anyone complaining to you all day about stuff or getting upset with you over silly stuff. Believe me, there are so many other people my age that are doing things and treating their mothers with so much disrespect I just try not to think about the pettiness of our events. I'm starting to feel like a bad person - something I've tried not to let myself feel like. But once stuff like this starts crashing down, I can't help but think of all the bad parts of me - I really hate being a bum here. I mean, even though my mom is initially all happy to see me and everything and tells me not to worry about transportation to get to the few events I do attend, there's still always this tension whenever I ask to do something. I can't wait to go back to school! I'm a step away form just trying to go back early and wing it for this reat of the summer - at least then I can make some money for books and things for the fall semester and I can go back to living a very hppy existence.
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| I never thought I'd say this, but I'm beginning to think that I may have made a mistake in returning home. Each moment, something comes up. I mean, its not like I'm doing anything horrible - but somehow my mere presence has thrown off my "family's" groove. It's almost as if my being here isn't meant to be - I've been causing nothing but problems lately. I'm so tempted to just go back to Cambridge and bum around there - I'd find employment, and no one would be yelling at me about the problems I'm causing.
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| Man, I don't think I've gone this long without an update...ever! Well, lets see, things have certainly changed a lot. I'm finally on spring break, a happy reprieve from the evil p-sets, readings, and papers. I'm getting ready to go out and enjoy some half way decent weather (its almost 60 degrees outside). I've been given my housing assignment, my humble abode which I shall call home for the next three years. I'm still wondering what I'm going to do this summer. I really don't want to be flipping burgers or something like that, but I'm beginning to feel like that where I'll end up. I hope to be able and go to visit CK on Monday and then I'll be headed back off to school (again) for more stress (not that I'm looking forward to that at all). I kind of think it would be awesome to work at CK this summer, maybe I'll try and investigate possible positions this week. I should probably be working on a draft for expos, but I just don't feel like it. It's really weird being 'home' without Rascal, it just seems so empty. I can't believe my spring break is already half over! Well, I'm going to try and enjoy the last half  | | |
| I'm so tired and the week is just getting started. I've got a ton of reading that needs to get done soon, and I just am not so sure if I'll make it through Life Sci 1a. I mean the lectures I think I'll be able to follow. But it seems like everything that was covered in the first 20 pages of one part of my reading was covered in a year's time in my highschool chemistry class. I really need to take this class though - there's no lower level to drop down to, and I need it for pre-med. I just hope that I can survive! Something tells me that I'll really appreciate having a gap semester! | | |
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